Urban Drool

Dear Bitch,

I heard you loud and clear this morning as you gripped and complained to your pal that you just weren't all that happy with your recent automotive purchase and it's just been "really bugging you and making you so upset."

You miserable wench. You cut my pay, you eliminate our bonuses, you track my time at work and if I arrive 8 minutes late, you deduct that amount of time from my next paycheck, despite the fact that I am salaried and NOT paid on an hourly basis.

I live in fear that I will lose my salary and the health insurance that keeps my husband and baby girl healthy.

I was finally able to fix the muffler and converter on my 13 year old honda this past Monday, so that I could drive myself to work instead of taking the bus and getting mugged walking home from the bus stop.

I want your life for 10 seconds, for 10 measly seconds, where my biggest fucking problem is that I don't really care all that much for the brand new 2007 Lexus that I bought 3 weeks ago.

You live in another world.

I fucking hate you.

all my love,
Lumi

So! I got mugged last Friday night!

I was walking home from the bus stop and had in fact just reached the front gate to my house when a man came at me from behind at a run and grabbed my purse.

And I'm sure that if I had simply let go of my purse he would have kept on running and that would have been the end of it.

However, I was a stubborn punk and did not let go of my purse and get this: I ACTUALLY FOUGHT WITH THIS MAN AND STRUGGLED TO HANG ONTO MY BAG FOR A FULL 30-40 SECONDS.

I yelled and struck him and pulled and yanked and got royally pissed. And for my trouble I got knocked around and more than a little beat up and my right arm twisted to hell and smacked to the ground with my breath completey knocked out of me.

And he, of course, got my purse anyway.

Important pieces of information for everyone to know: the baby was NOT with me. And other than getting beat up, I am not terribly hurt. Nor am I raped. Nor am I dead.

I also am not out a great deal other than my cute little red purse. I cancelled my cell phone (which, of course, was in the purse) within 2 hours of this happening and called my bank, etc.

I filed a report with the local police and spoke to my councilman and drank hot tea and took a LOT of Tylenol (I feel like total shit) and in general, did everything I needed to do.

I don't know what the psychological/emotional ramifications of this will be. In truth? I am still completely numb and not totally accepting that this has happened. I am just kind of going about my usual daily things and taking every hour as it comes.

As a conclusion to this entry, I would like to draft an open letter to my friends and family:

Dear Friends and Family,

I know you all love me very much and I know that you all mean well, but I feel the need to let you know that, in calling to see how I am or speaking to me about what happened, NONE of the following things are helpful for me to hear:

- THANK GOD the baby wasn't with you!!!!!!

- OH MY GOD what if the BAAAAAAABBBBBBYYYYYYYY had been with you????

- Why the HELL didn't you just drop the damn purse?

- Did you get a full discription? You should have gotten a better look at his face!

- You live in such a DANGEROUS neighborhood! You need to move!

- If it had been ME, I would have taken that baby and packed my bags and moved into my mother's house THAT VERY NIGHT!!

- You need to be more careful. AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT JUST YOU YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT! WHAT IF YOU HAD BEEN KILLED AND THAT BABY WOULD HAVE NO MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The end.

Here is the gorgeous picture we had taken of our little squdgling for Christmas.

I had no idea she was going to be this beautiful. She's almost as beautiful as the percoset I got to take for 6 weeks after she was born.

"There's a certain comfort to living only in the present tense..."

My blog is definetely becoming less about the daily trials and strife of being a new mommy. For one thing, I am no longer a "new" mommy. In one more month my baby will be a whopping one year old. For another, I seem to want to write more and more about the transitions that I am making in my life as a whole, rather than sticking to the microcosm of my squdge.

Which is fine. I have always said that this blog is my own personal tool, and didn't want to restrict myself to writing within only certain set parameters.

So. An update for me about me that very few people other than me will read/care about.

-I have a job interview this afternoon

-I am attending an information night at my old college next week to find out what classes, training, money is involved with me getting a teacher's license

-I lost 2 pounds in the past 8 days and am sticking (pretty much) with my much healthier eating plan.

Not bad.

By February 1st I want:

-a job offer

-to have made a decision as to whether or not I can actually DO this whole going back to school thing

-to have lost 8 more pounds to make a total of 10 pounds for the first month of 2007

We shall see.

ps...adorable Christmas picture of my squdge to be posted later today.

Happy Happy everybody.

I feel as though I drifted through 2006, my only tie to the earth being my baby girl. The year ebbed and flowed around me, with wonderful things and horrible things and joyful things and terrible things drifting around me and occasionally smaking into me like pieces of happy happy driftwood.

I have never before been so out of control of my own life.

I had two goals in mind: bring my child into this world and keep both her and me alive.

All the other shit that happened around those two goals was just that: stupid shit.

2007 will be a whole new ball game.

If I am very stressed and very unfullfiled and unhappy with my life (which I am. truth be told, my remarkable relationship with my daughter and husband aside, I'm pretty fucking miserable) then I need to turn to the one person in my life who can change this.

Myself.

I am 3 days into a much healthier eating plan, and although it's probably psychological, I already feel better.

I have written to my old alma mater and requested literature on their part-time evening program so I can see if I can earn a teacher's license.

I spent 3 hours yesterday perusing classified ads, looking for a better office to work in for the next couple years while I earn said license.

I have worn one small thing on my body that makes me feel pretty every day this week. Even if I am always rushing in the mornings (which I always am) and even if I don't have time to put together a nice, coordinated outfit (which I rarely am able to do) I will try and wear one thing, just one thing every day to remind myself and the world that I am a pretty girl. Yesterday? A really pretty necklace the Boy got me for Christmas. Today? A really pretty hair scarf that almost makes my too-thick, out of control black cloud of hair look attractive.

2006 had me by the throat and tried to choke the life out of me. 2007 is never going to get that chance. Pardon my French, but I am going to slap 2007 to the fucking floor and make her my bitch.