Urban Drool

Guess what happens right after you write a post claiming that you are going to be writing more posts?

You get a head cold so icky and so mucus-filled that your ears are blocked up and you sneeze until you loose bladder control and the baby is sick too and you call off work and watch way, way too much Roseanne and Grace Under Fire on the O network.

...but the Scrubs-a-thon on Comedy Central was wunderbar. I do love me some Zach Braff.

Anyway.

Back at work.

Barely.

Thinking about writing.

Getting very, very excited about the MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR. (Hint? It's not Christmas)

The baby already has her own little witch's hat and orange and black and yellow and purple stripped leggings, is all I'm saying.

Later.

When I was pregnant and nearing the end of my 3rd Trimester I spent a lot of time fearing what the physical aftermath of labor and delivery and new parenthood would be like. I pictured torn up vaginas and swollen labias and cracked, painful nipples and such.

As we all know, the vagina remained happily intact due to the Pickle's exit from my body via the alternate trapdoor located downstage right. The nipples were indeed cracked (one still is!) and there were waves of nipple pain for several weeks until I became more or less numb to it, but the worst most definetly passed a long time ago.

What I did not foresee and what NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT (not even Mya's Mommy, the secretive, back-stabbing wench) were:

1) the permanently screwed up/kinked up/tensed up/out of whack back issues

and

2) the complete inability to poop normally. Ever again, Amen.

Since about halfway through my pregnancy and continuing through this very day. (or in other words, FOR ABOUT THE PAST YEAR) I have not had a day go by where my back is not in moderate to severe pain. My shoulders and upper back are constantly riddled with spasm-ing muscles and/or visciously knotted muscles and/or tensed up muscles that never seem to relax. Moreover, the left side of my lower back is in a constant state of feeling as if a huge nerve is being pinched.

The combination results in me occasionally walking around as if I am an arthritic 90 year old crone.

And the poop? Can we please talk about poop for a minute? Um, I have no idea what connection exists between a 9 pound human being being squeezed and lifted from your sliced up uterus and not being able to have a normal bowel movement, but all I DO know is that since the Pickle was born, I have had either horrible constipation or horrible runs. I have intestinal cramping that nearly rivals some of my pitocin-tweaked labor pains. My delicate bits towards the back door area are irritated and even torn up and bleeding a bit from some of my more...um...enthusiastic attempts at emptying my lower intestines, shall we say?

I would like to point out here that my "infant" is now a 7 month old child. And these back and butt issues are just as viscious today as they were the week after she was born.

All I can say about this is .....the hell?

wwwhhhaaaa....?

There is no real reason for this post other than to randomly crank and moan and complain. Frankly, I have not felt "well" since May of 2005 and I am really tired of it. I would love one day, just one day where I wake up and for a full 24 hours I feel moderately well rested and no part of my body is in any type of pain.

I don't see this happening anytime soon, as I don't plan to wean my little Pickle until she is around 15 months old. I will have a bit of a break for about a year or so after that until I get back on Metformin (aka my own special freakishly effective laxative) and try for a second round.

...and with that, I wish you all a good weekend. Next week I hope to get back in the swing of things blogging-wise and maybe do some much-needed slamming of my in-laws. (EDITED TO SAY: Brother in law, not necessarily parent's-in-law) WON'T THAT BE FUN???

I found the link to this "quiz" via one of my lovely ladies to the right (read here: Leelo's Mom).

I thought it would be fun and good for a laugh (and indeed it was), but did not count on the fact that it would be oddly insightful.

Kinda. Sorta. To a limited extent, anyway.

Belief-O-Matic

For those interested in my results, I was deemed 100% Neo-Pagan AND 100% New-Age AND 84% Unitarian Universalist.

OK, so their math leaves something to be desired. It was still fun.


"It's not what you believe, it's that you do believe."